TREADING WATER :: WHERE I CAME FROM

What are you doing?

OK, so I get that you're reading this post right now, but I've got some big questions to throw at you. What the heck are you doing? Did you have a good day today, and furthermore, will you have a good day tomorrow? You may feel fulfilled in some ways, whether it be with your home, your career, your relationships, but how is everything else going?

Is life good?

Sometimes we get so busy getting through 'the list' each day that we forget to step back and look at the big picture... and I mean really look it. It's something I've been doing lately, and I've seen a lot of gaps in my life's portrait that I haven't been taking enough notice of for a long time. It's easy to get caught up in your goals, and having a mission or sense of purpose is a very motivating, comforting thing. As much as I love doing what I do, I just remembered lately that I am a living breathing thing (amazing huh!?). I am not a machine – I do not need to drive incessantly towards each goal until I retire. I need to look around, smell the jasmine, go with flow sometimes, and look after myself and my family. I can't go back in time, so am I making the most of myself? Are you?

I can pinpoint a precise moment in my life when 'the machine' started in 2009. I had just come out of my degree in advertising creativity at AUT and the country wasn't feeling so flash hot. People were tightening their belts, talking about how it was the worst time to be a graduate, and throwing around that word that made people feel a little uneasy – 'recession'. I did a few odd briefs for random agencies in the city, but few were ready to take on any juniors permanently at such a fickle time... and the one that was able to keep me around was going to pay me a humble salary of $100 a week, which is kind of impossible when you need to eat. So, as I answered phones in my between-jobs receptionist role, I weighed it up. I can either keep working anywhere while I hunt for advertising jobs in the background (and hope like hell the recession blows over soon), or I can go back to school and study. But what would I study? I wanted something that would compliment my current skill set.

I had always had a passion for graphic design – the trouble was that I had never known that 'graphic design' was the name of this love of mine. An old school friend had been studying graphic design at Whitecliffe while I was doing my degree, and that's how I figured out what design was all about. Every now and then I popped over town to sit in and watch the projects she and her classmates would work on. I just thought it looked like fun. Create a poster for an exercising event in the park? Make an album cover? Design your own magazine? Is this place for real? Do people do this stuff for a living? I was intrigued.

Originally I went into university wanting to pursue a career in journalism. While I love writing, we were moulded to write in the style of a newspaper article – no flair, just the facts listed in a specific formula... and I got bored. Meanwhile, some of the random advertising papers I was taking were much more enjoyable. Thinking of interesting ways of communicating a message really got my brain going, and I loved solving these puzzles – puzzles that involved both using words and had a visual side. I needed to use design programs to articulate ideas sometimes, and I enjoyed this process as much as coming up with the idea I was illustrating.

So, after a bit of time pondering and chatting to Ben, I jumped back into student life at Media Design School. Because of the times, I knew I had to do my best to stand out from the crowd, and I wasn't afraid to be the biggest nerd out. Besides, the stuff I was studying and doing was so enjoyable that I didn't mind pouring every instant into it. By the time the holidays came around, I didn't know what to do with myself. I spent those breaks redoing projects I wasn't completely happy with and doing tutorials to sharpen my skills. Every day I rode the bus to class, and I couldn't wait to get there and tackle the day – I was in love, and I hadn't felt this way about my work before. The machine was born.

Suddenly a new Lucy emerged – I wanted to do the best, and I wouldn't stop until I got there... and you know, that hard work paid off. I graduated with distinction and an industry award, an A grade, and before I had even finished my final portfolio, I was plucked from my class into my first full-time graphic design job. Being asked to speak on behalf of the student body at graduation was the cherry on top; I knew this was something I loved to do and had a bit of talent for.

Nearly three years later, I'm really happy in the direction I'm heading, and proud of where I've come from... but I've realised there's some things I've been leaving by the wayside. I really, really love what I do, in fact I'm a little bit crazy about it and it's hard for me to stop sometimes. However, after everything, work really is just that – work. Late nights and creative projects have left many a friendship to dwindle, and my health hasn't been that great lately (that's what sitting on your butt hunched over a screen will do to you!). It sucks when you're at work, the clock strikes 10pm and you get a text from your husband, who's a little bit starved for company. I realised how much slack he's been picking up lately – dinner is always ready, the dishes are done, the dog is walked, etc... and then I'm too tired to even chat about the day when I get home. What have I been doing?

So over the past month I've tried really hard to concentrate on things outside of work (as silly as that sounds!). I'm in a career where projects do come up from time to time that demand after-hours attention, and that's OK – I just need to make sure I take care of the other aspects of life, too. I'm totally up-to-date with all my appointments with the doctor, dentist, physio and optometrist, and recently I joined up at the local gym. Today while walking the dog, I really tried to look at everything. It may sound silly, but usually I'm so busy trying to just get the walk done that I forget to enjoy it. Looking at trees, collecting flowers, really taking in what life is offering me is so important.

This post was supposed to be about something totally different, but instead I've ended up relaying a chapter in my life... funny how that happens! I suppose if I'm to end with a final message, it would be this: if you've found your purpose, don't forget the little things. Big things are really exciting, consuming and easy to get obsessed about. But sometimes the things that seem so small and inconsequential, like little text message to your loved one or just getting some fresh air, are just as important in the end. Don't get me wrong – I'm always going to be a driven worker with a passion that can't be quenched, but when I do have a moment, I will look around and enjoy those times without thinking of the next thing to do. It's OK to tread water without heading in a direction full speed. There is more to life; there is more than one purpose. x

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